midlifejourney.com

Today’s Baby Boomer Sandwich Generation faces some unique situations. You watch your kids grow up and your parents grow older. If, like so many baby boomers, your parents have split, or one of them has died, what’s it like for you when Dad (or Mom) starts to date again?

Guest post author Deborah S. Silver, LCSW, Co-Founder, Active Seniors in Transition shares some insights into this all too common issue.

. . . . .

“When Dad Starts To Date”

A friend told the following story:

“When my father become a widower, after 50 years of devoted marriage to my mother, we all worried about him.  He was devastated by the loss, hadn’t ever been on his own since he was 21 and couldn’t even boil water.

“Well, weren’t we surprised when, within a short period of time, women were crawling out of the woodwork. At one point he was juggling three girlfriends!  Within a year he was married.  I didn’t like her very much.  I winced when he called her ‘honey’ and I resented the time and money he spent on her and her grown children.

“But when he became ill, she nursed him with tender care and she was truly grieved when he died.  I finally had to admit that I didn’t know what I would have done without her.”

I have heard variations on this theme over and over.  Why do many of us so resent it when our widowed parent finds happiness with someone new?

We feel disloyal to the parent that is gone when we accept the new union and give it our blessing

We are jealous of the new person that is receiving our living parent’s time, affection and financial gifts

We are uncomfortable thinking about our parent as – dare I say it – a sexual being. We’ve managed to avoid thinking about this for a very long time!

We are justifiably worried that the new partner is less than sincere and will hurt our parent both emotionally and financially

It didn’t take my friend long to realize that her resentment was a small price to pay for her father’s happiness (and he had five really wonderful years).

Not to mention that she was not prepared to give up her own life to take care of him and become a substitute spouse.

Of course, if you feel that someone is really out to hurt your parent, you may have to step in. But ask yourself the hard questions first.  “Is this really about them – or is it about me?”

To read other articles by Deborah Silver, visit her at www.activeseniorsintransition.com

Guest author and fitness expert, Kathy Ekdahl shares her secrets to loosing that extra weight and staying fit and healthy.

. . . . .

Q- I’ve noticed that my balance seems to be getting worse and worse as I get older. Is there anything I can do to help my balance?

You may not have this problem yet, but you may have a parent or neighbor beginning to lose their sense of balance. A  fall for seniors can be much more dangerous and life changing than for younger people, as it can result in an extended stay in the hospital, rehab center or even nursing home.  One serious fall is often the beginning of a downward spiral of illness and infirmity for the elderly.

Seniors are much more prone to falls because, as we age, our body’s natural ability to balance and navigate unstable surfaces diminishes. This is related to both neurological and musculoskeletal aging, but balance is also affected by diminished vision, hearing and sensation in the feet.  In addition, bones are more fragile and healing from injuries becomes more and more difficult.  When most of us think of fitness, we may not think of balance as something we can train, but rest assured, it is very trainable.  With consistency and dedication, you could improve your balance and stability within several weeks!

It is easy to begin improving  balance. Take a few minutes every day to practice standing on one leg. If you can only balance for 5-10 seconds- continue to practice until you reach 20 seconds, or even 30 seconds. Once you can stand on one leg for 20 seconds or more, try doing this with your eyes closed. This is quite a challenge! At all times, begin by balancing as you hold on to a secure surface. As you improve your balance, work towards balancing without holding on at all. When practicing balancing, always keep your upper body lifted, spine erect, abdominals engaged. Looking down at the ground as you balance will throw your posture off, and good posture is key for good balance.

For the next stage, I recommend practicing standing balance on unstable surfaces such as an “Airex pad”, or inflatable disc, but using a pillow from your home will work just as well. These techniques will “fire up” your neuromuscular system, and begin to get your muscles thinking and reacting more easily to unstable surfaces- whether they are a pillow, or the ice in your driveway. Supplement this balance work with  core training such as Bridges for your glutes, “Birddog” for your spinal muscles and plank holds for your abdominal and back muscles. I also recommend training the lateral hip muscles- which are important stabilizers for the hip joint. Something as simple as standing side leg lifts can work, as well as the “clamshell” exercise- a side lying exercise, sometimes using an exercise band, in which you rotate the hip open like a “clamshell”.  In general, weight bearing strength exercises greatly help seniors, as these types of exercises increase bone density, muscular, tendonous and ligament strength, and build confidence!

Poor balance is a major risk factor for falls, fractures and serious injuries. Start training your balance today, and your risk of falls and injuries will be much less! If this is not an essential reason to exercise, I don’t know what is!

Kathy Ekdahl, ACE cPT, CSCS, is a nationally certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach, who lives in Hudson, Mass. Kathy has  worked for over 20 years in the fitness industry, and is the coach of the Hudson High School Women’s Varsity Lacrosse and Field Hockey teams. She will be answering your fitness questions each week in this column, and welcomes your questions. To send a question, email Kathy at: kathy@personalbestpersonaltraining.com.

Guest author and fitness expert, Kathy Ekdahl shares her secrets to loosing that extra weight and staying fit and healthy.

. . . . .

Q- How do I know whether I am fit enough? Are there standards for fitness that I should try to adhere to?

When we us the term “fit” we  are talking in very general terms about someone who looks strong and healthy and exercises consistently. But the definition of good fitness really has several components. They are: cardiovascular fitness, muscular strength, muscular endurance, flexibility and body composition (fat versus muscle tissue). To be truly “fit”, we do need to address all aspects of fitness. For example, if you can run 10 miles, but can’t do 10 push-ups- then you are not truly fit.  Or, conversely, if you can do 400 pound leg press, but can’t run a mile, then again, your fitness is not complete. So, it is very important to make sure your exercise regimen addresses all aspects of fitness.

As a strength and conditioning coach, I test my clients in all aspects of fitness to discover where their fitness is adequate, and where it is not. Addressing weaknesses in fitness is very important! Most people focus only on what they are good at, and ignore what they are not good at (or do not like to do). This will lead to imbalances in fitness, which will eventually lead to injuries.

For the average exercise enthusiast (not an athlete) some basic standards I use for good fitness are:

• The ability to do at least 10 straight leg push ups
• The ability to touch your toes when standing or sitting on the floor
• The ability to get your heart rate high in its training zone for short periods of time and then recover within one minute
• The ability to run longer distances, 1-2 miles, without stopping
• The ability to perform a deep squat with perfect technique
• The ability to balance on one foot for greater than 20 seconds
• The ability to perform a prone plank hold for one minute
• Normal body fat measurements- neither too high, nor too low

Of course, genetically we may be predisposed to being good at one aspect of fitness versus another, so it is normal to excel at some aspects of fitness and struggle with others. But- that’s no reason to ignore the ones we are not good at! Make sure your program addresses all aspects of fitness by stretching daily,  performing  heavy weight training 2-3 days a week, doing cardiovascular endurance activities such as biking, jogging, walking 3 days a week- including some high intensity interval training – and eating well and keeping bodyweight and body fat in normal parameters.

Kathy Ekdahl, ACE cPT, CSCS, is a nationally certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach, who lives in Hudson, Mass. Kathy has  worked for over 20 years in the fitness industry, and is the coach of the Hudson High School Women’s Varsity Lacrosse and Field Hockey teams. She will be answering your fitness questions each week in this column, and welcomes your questions. To send a question, email Kathy at: kathy@personalbestpersonaltraining.com.

Guest author and fitness expert, Kathy Ekdahl shares her secrets to loosing that extra weight and staying fit and healthy.

. . . . .

Q- I hear so much on TV, online and in magazines about all kinds of nutritional supplements. I am trying to lose weight, and I wonder if any of these will help?

A- The nutritional supplement industry is a multi-billion dollar industry that is largely unregulated.  90% of what is out there is a scam, and worse, some of these products are  dangerous. It is hard to know what works and what does not, so let me try to separate fact from fiction, or in this case, out and out lies.

The Truth about Weight Loss Supplements: The fact is that there is no supplement or drug on the market that magically burns fat. All products— even the good ones— require  healthy nutrition and exercise to get results. And, the bad ones, while they may decrease appetite, usually have bad side effects and can be downright dangerous for your health. Think about it; given that obesity is responsible for millions of dollars of wasted health care, and kills hundreds of thousands of Americans each year, if there was a “miracle” pill- wouldn’t we all know about it?  Withholding that kind of info would be like withholding chemotherapy for cancer patients- unethical.

Weight Loss Supplements to Avoid: To be specific, avoid all weight loss supplements with stimulants like guarana, ma huang, ephedra (which is actually illegal now) and even excess caffeine. These drugs try to elevate metabolism- but an elevated metabolism also means elevated blood pressure and heart rate, which could cause serious medical conditions. Caffeine has been shown to increase endurance, and may help increase energy temporarily for exercise, but overuse of caffeine has more side effects than benefits. However, green tea extract has been shown by research to elevate metabolism without negative side effects, so this is something to try.

Which Weight Loss Supplements Are Useful: Protein powders/shakes can be useful for people doing heavy weight training. They provide the nutrients necessary to rebuild muscles. But again, there is no magic to these shakes. Creatine is a form of protein that is used in energy metabolism. Creatine has been shown to be safe when taken as directed. The extra Creatine enables the user to lift heavier weights, which in the long run, produces more fat loss and more muscle gain. Side effects of Creatine are water weight retention- not my goal in life- but for those who are trying to add a lot of muscle, this is an option.

Alli, a former prescription drug which is now over the counter, is currently being investigated as a cause of liver damage. Be careful!

Again, even Alli does not work unless you follow  diet and exercise suggestions exactly. Side effects- don’t ask!

So- what do I recommend? A whole food supplement, or if that is not available, a vitamin supplement. Extra protein if you are lifting heavy weights, and lots of water throughout the day. Green tea can be used to elevate the metabolism without nasty side effects, so that is worth a try. Otherwise- get moving, eat well, get rid of junk food and processed foods.

Kathy Ekdahl, ACE cPT, CSCS, is a nationally certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach, who lives in Hudson, Mass. Kathy has  worked for over 20 years in the fitness industry, and is the coach of the Hudson High School Women’s Varsity Lacrosse and Field Hockey teams. She will be answering your fitness questions each week in this column, and welcomes your questions. To send a question, email Kathy at: kathy@personalbestpersonaltraining.com.

Guest author and fitness expert, Kathy Ekdahl shares her secrets to loosing that extra weight and staying fit and healthy.

. . . . .

Q- What are the current recommendations for stretching? I keep hearing that you don’t need to stretch before exercise, but when should I stretch?

A- Flexibility is an often overlooked aspect of fitness, and the recent research about stretching has been confused by some to mean stretching is not as necessary as previously thought. Nothing could be farther from the truth.  Flexibility is still an essential part of all exercise programs, but it is important to understand when is the right time to stretch to improve flexibility. The research which you have heard about looked at whether static stretching prior to running decreased injury potential for runners. The results were quite clear- static stretches- ie held stretches for an extended period of time- did NOT decrease injuries in runners. Nor did it improve running times! Additional research since then has shown that static stretching prior to weight training, explosive speed or agility work, or stop and go sports actually INCREASED injury potential in athletes by dampening neuromuscular activity.

So, when is the recommended time for stretching? Static stretches should be done after your workouts, or on days of no workout at all. Daily stretching for 10-15 minutes can make a big difference in movement potential and chronic pain. But, make sure that you are using proper form when you stretch. Your back should be straight, not rounded. Avoid forward bending with a rounded spine- it’s the biggest culprit for back pain and injury! Know which body parts need stretching and which do not. Over stretching already flexible muscles can lead to joint instability. A good personal trainer can assess your flexibility and make recommendations. On another note, Yoga is a fabulous way to improve flexibility, and has been shown to be the one form of stretching which decreases post exercise soreness but, again, overstretching in pretzel-like poses is not good for anybody!

For those who play sports or workout vigorously, pre-exercise flexibility work should be movement oriented. This is called dynamic flexibility, or movement prep. Dynamic flexibility work has been shown to improve sports performance and should be the norm for strength training as well. There are many great books on dynamic flexibility, and one I highly recommend is Magnificent Mobility, by Eric Cressey. Eric is a world renowned strength coach with a training facility in Hudson, MA called Cressey Performance.

Kathy Ekdahl, ACE cPT, CSCS, is a nationally certified personal trainer and strength and conditioning coach, who lives in Hudson, Mass. Kathy has  worked for over 20 years in the fitness industry, and is the coach of the Hudson High School Women’s Varsity Lacrosse and Field Hockey teams. She will be answering your fitness questions each week in this column, and welcomes your questions. To send a question, email Kathy at: kathy@personalbestpersonaltraining.com.

Another recommendation by author Eric Cressey: Maximum Strength: Get Your Strongest Body in 16 Weeks with the Ultimate Weight-Training Program