Mar 20 2009
Dancing Through Life and Change
Reflections by Christine Phoenix-Green
When you find yourself alone after partnership, there are many ways to find your way moving about as a Single. Some ways are easier or more difficult than others…and all take courage. This was my way…through Dance, and in a series of forms that fulfilled a particular need at each phase of the transition.
. . . . . .
A number of years ago, upon entering mid-life, a series of life changing issues required decisions that demanded attention and action. After the ending of a long partnership and a way of life “in tandem,” it was necessary to enter an also seemingly long period of personal healing and the crafting of social behaviour comfortably as a solo woman in a world of couples.
Some women at that time feel so lonely and befuddled, that they are hungry to find a relationship as soon as possible, and at any cost, to not feel isolated and “odd” while surrounded by couples. Others, perhaps those of us who initiated our leap to single-status, desire a conscious time to experience the taste of freedom and listen deeply, without distraction and compromise, to where our Soul and individual unique story may be leading us.
Yet feeling alone during times of transition is a human experience we all know, whether “together” or “single,” and feeling isolated is probably one of the most devastating heartaches we might be asked to bear in a variety of circumstances. It is thus important to find a way to be in some form of community during this unfamiliar time of getting to know your new and emerging self after years of being partially defined by a relationship. For me, that avenue opened through participating in Dance, in a series of forms, during that time of transition and “re-creation.” Dance was a most life-giving, healing and creatively engaging form of initiation into authentic individuality as well as learning a new way to experience Community.
Initially, I needed the safety and comfort of sisterhood. Having left a long term embrace with the masculine, I desired deeply to experience an exchange of stories, play, and wisdom in a community of women. At mid-life I also needed to meet my “mid-life” body which had a different shape and presentation than the svelte 106 lb Twiggy of my 20’s! I needed exercise (I hate the gym) and it needed to be beautiful and sensuous because another word for “Rubinesque,” admittedly in another era, was “sensuous.”
Fortunately I found a gorgeous group of women and a delightfully playful, enthusiastic and passionate teacher of Middle-Eastern Dance and in that year, we learned movements, expressions and mischief that every woman knows if she is encouraged to find it within herself, no matter what her size or shape. We learned to “isolate” parts of our body muscles to communicate all manner of playfullness and elegant invitation, we danced with coloured scarves and veils (hiding mischievously behind them and learning the art of peeking and flirting), and we learned to move our bodies gracefully as representatives of the Goddess.
Clothed in long skirts and mysterious tops, with bangles, dangling earrings and jingling coin belts on our hips, we learned dances that moved so slow and hypnotically that we could have been mistaken for statues of the Divine Feminine at the entrance to an ancient Indian temple. And lest you entertain the secular notion that what we were preparing for was to jump out of a giant cake in surprise fashion at some masculine rite of passage, the purpose of this Dance form traditionally was for the Feminine, about the Feminine, and in celebration of the Feminine in the company of women and families. In this dance form, we learned to hold our heads high with pride and authority as Women, whether married, partnered or single. We came home to ourselves.
After about a year of this wonderful experience of exercise and self-expression, I attended a Christmas caroling party at which was performed an elegant English Country Dance. The women, graceful in long off-the- shoulder gowns, and the gentlemen costumed in the colonial period style, captured my attention and my love of theater. The music was beautiful, historical, semi-classical and textured, and the dancers, in line formation, wove gracefully in and out of their positions and lines in beautiful patterns, fingertips touching, bowing, honouring, smiling and eyes full of flirting fun. I knew then, that it was time to move from dancing only with women to the pleasure of mixed company.
I, at that time still not quite ready to go out seeking a new relationship yet wanting to “test the field” in a way that was comfortable for me, found the playful and lighthearted spirit and the changing of partners at each new dance (whether you come as a single or as a couple) a way to make many new friendly acquaintances and feel like part of a community of lively and kind-hearted people. For a single person, man or woman, the English Country Dance evening is a warm, creative and inviting experience, full of great instruction, beauty, laughter, good snacks, new friends and aquaintances, and the delight of re-creating an artistic form that is part of history and a by-gone perceived romantic era.
Many of the dances are from the late Renaissance through the Colonial Period, when courtesy and good manners were valued in social interactions, and for some odd reason, many participants in this form of dance seem to be artists, musicians, writers, and gardeners, so there are many interesting conversations to pursue!
In our dance society there are no “wallflowers”! Newcomers are scooped up, encouraged and moved around throughout the evening to dance with experienced members, assuring them that everyone can learn and participate. For myself, this dance form was a wonderful middle step in finding an activity that provided gracious socializing as a single that was safe, fun and inclusive, without a heavy focus on the “dating scene” (although romances CAN blossom here!)
About a year into this dance form, my adventurous multi-talented dance friends invited me to come to an evening with the Irish Set Dancers. Who does not love lively and wildly joyful Celtic music? My introductory evening of this vigorous, life-filled expression of the Irish culture (an engaging mix of the sacred and pagan together,) found me making a vow to dance FOREVER no matter what my status!
With the wonderful instruction by our fabulous teachers, Pat and Barry Callahan, and with the most energetic participation of the couples who whirled, jigged, polka’d, waltzed, and hornpipe’d within a squared set of 8 dancers, we learned enthusiastically, practiced with dedication, and enjoyed with abandon, the traditional dances of the various counties of Ireland, each with their own patterns, speed and energy requirements, and often performed in the small quarters of the local pub on a social evening. More vigorous than English Country Dance, which may produce a faint blush on the cheeks, a complete Irish set dance with 4-6 distinct parts of whirling and movement is a complete cardio, producing high pink colour and beads of moisture! And what a delight to be, even as a still single woman, in the company of happy, long-term married and partnered couples who have obviously found the secret to happiness by dancing together on a regular basis! They modeled for me the sometimes forgotten delights of loving and playing together in such a simple pleasure as this dance within a core community, and under the warm umbrella of their mutual love and and sense of family and kin, I came to know that there is a place of welcoming, inclusion, belonging and comfort in these evenings and events together.
Someone once asked me what the difference was between English Country dance, and Irish Set dancing. My observation was that the English dancers outrageously flirt and smile a lot, but the touching of fingertips, and arming is about as close physically as one gets with all that English reserve. But the Irish…well..they do all that swinging, waltzing and horn-piping in a rather close and intimate physical embrace …but traditionally no one looks at each other !!! … (too much temptation?) In these happy evenings with happy partners I have recognized within myself that the time is now right to be open once again to the the delight of romance when it comes to surprise me! And for sure, he will have to be a dancer, himself!
In all, for me these 3 forms of dance expression have been a wonderful opportunity to enjoy the company of myself, the company of nice men, and the wonderful community of interesting and friendly people of all ages out for an evening of exercise, play and social interaction. And whether you are single or partnered, male or female, a student, a parent or a grandparent there will be a welcoming place for you on a variety of dance floors bringing people together in simple but lovely Community, which is probably one of the most precious gifts we can experience through all the changes, challenges and celebrations of our Lives!
Christine is a practicing Spiritual Director, INSIGHT Intuitive Guidance Practitioner, Dreamguide, and Music/Piano Teacher. She dances with the Kingston English Country Dancers throughout the year, and with Pat and Barry Callahan’s Irish Set Dancers every Monday night. For more information he can be reached at cphoenixrising@earthlink.net
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