Jan 12 2009
Conflict? Misunderstanding? There’s a Cosmic Reason
Mercury is in retrograde from January 11 – February 1. It’s a time of miscommunication, misunderstanding and network problems not only for individuals but for the globe. If you are aware of this energy, you can deal with it. Be careful with your words and how you communicate. Back up your hard drive. Double check all your documents.
Just be aware. Self awareness will get you through. This article may give some assistance.
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Conflict: Why Do You Argue, Why Do You Fight in Conflict?
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.d.
Think about the last time you had a conflict with someone and you argued – with your partner, your friend, your parent, your child, or someone else in your life.
What did you argue about, and why did you spend your energy arguing or fighting?
REASONS FOR ARGUING AND FIGHTING
Here are some of the reasons you might argue and fight in conflict situations:
* You believe that you can get the other person to see things your way – that if you say the right thing, be very convincing, be very logical and rational, be right, be parental, talk very loudly, yell, threaten, blame, attack, call names, or even hit – you can have control over getting the other person to think and feel the way you want. You believe that not only can you win, but that you can somehow have control over the other’s thoughts and feelings.
The problem is that, while you might be able to get control over another’s behavior, you cannot control their thought and feelings. No matter how right you are, another thoughts and feelings are not yours to control.
* Dumping anger on another person may be a way of not dealing with your own feelings. Perhaps you are projecting your own self-abandonment onto the other person, i.e. you are not listening to or hearing yourself so you attack the other person for not listening to you or hearing. Or you are judging yourself so you attack the other person for judging you. If you are judging yourself or not listening to yourself and not taking responsibility for your own feelings, then you may be blaming the other person for the guilt, shame and aloneness you feel within.
* Perhaps you are terrified that if you are open with the other person, especially your partner, that your partner will see things about you that he or she doesn’t like. You might be using fighting as a way to avoid true intimacy, while at the same time creating a connection through the fighting. The connection you feel through fighting might feel safer than creating true intimacy.
* Perhaps you are afraid that if you get really close to someone, you will lose yourself or be taken advantage of. If this is the case, fighting might be a way to feel safe from engulfment. Once again, you can feel some connection through the fighting without actually having to feel close enough to lose yourself to the other person.
* Perhaps arguing and fighting is the only way you know to assuage your fears of rejection. Fighting might give you a sense of control over not losing the other person.
* Perhaps you feel frustrated and helpless in a job situation or a situation with someone else, and fighting with the person you are fighting with is a way to release the frustration and gain back a feeling of control.
* Anger and arguing can be an addictive way of avoiding your feelings of aloneness and loneliness. All addictive behavior cover up painful feelings, and anger and arguing are no exceptions.
THE WAY OUT OF ARGUING
Until you want 100% responsibility for all of your own feelings – your feelings of anger, frustration, guilt, shame, anxiety, depression, fear, hurt, loneliness, aloneness, helplessness over others and outcomes, and so on – you may continue to use arguing and fighting as ways to avoid this responsibility. Until you are ready to lovingly attend to your own feelings with a deep and compassionate desire to learn about your own thoughts, beliefs and behavior that create your feelings, you may be stuck trying to control others into making you feel better. And until you fully accept your lack of control over others thoughts and feelings, you might continue to attempt have control through arguing and fighting.
You will find that you stop arguing and fighting when you learn to take 100% responsibility for all your own feelings through the practice of Inner Bonding.
About the Author:
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author of 8 books and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® healing process. Ready to join the thousands who have discovered real love and intimacy? Learn Inner Bonding now! Click here for a FREE Inner Bonding Course, and visit our website at www.innerbonding.com for more articles and help. Phone Sessions Available.
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Yesterday, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a thirty foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!
Have you ever considered creating an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog based upon on the same information you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my audience would enjoy your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e-mail.
Hey! I know this is kinda off topic but I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My blog addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you might be interested feel free to shoot me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!
Hello just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your post seem to be running off the screen in Chrome. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the problem resolved soon. Thanks
Hello! This post couldn’t be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!
Appreciating the dedication you put into your blog and in depth information you offer. It’s nice to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed information. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.
Does your site have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it improve over time.
Good day! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Cheers